ohthesewalls

he was there holding me, clutching me. grasping for each other, suddenly we were pulled apart, fingers slipping one by one. then they were there; dressed in black with painted masks of red, white and black. their smiles were pink and stretched superficially. then, that grimace turned into a demonic grin which mouthed "watch this." as the witch took a razor and began to slice his throat, I cried; single tears were streaming down my cheeks. "not him, not him", i whispered. "it's your turn," she said as she stood abruptly, razor to my throat. she began. it started to burn, more and more. blood began to pool. i began to cry silently, but refused

i sit alone, at home and cry.. over you. what can i do? okay. so i have made a conscious decision. i can't believe it. i feel like i am maturing and bettering myself as a person. i have decided to try to forget about him;well, for now that is. because really, what type of emotions does he bring out of me when he is gone? sadness, anxiety, depression, dependency.. it isn't worth the pain. i know he loved me once, and i love him still. but he has lost interest in me. i usually lose interest in others, yet he has beat me to it. i am sad to say goodbye, although i feel a sense of empowerment to know that i can stand on my own two feet once agai

okay. um. where to begin. this weekend was supposed to bring joy...comfort..everything of wonder. instead, i was left with this feeling of wanting more, of disappointing him, of fucking things up. the dinner was okay, considering my late feelings from the past rushing up to me. and we connected lots later on, but afterwards, the evening just got bizarre.. i haven't cried in a while. and i was so scared that he might turn over and see me crying. but he didn't, so my secret was kept safe.  my time with him was really nice, i love that he's not too serious about things and he's just a fun guy...but certain times, i felt almost inadequate. may